How We Can Live More Harmoniously With Our Multiple Selves?

By Janis Mccann, Ph.d. and David Mccann, Phd.

Our psyche has a multiplicity of psychological parts; these parts serve to fulfill our psycho-social and spiritual requirements for health and wholeness. The psychological theory that addresses and understands the psyche and their parts, and the resulting inter- and intra-relationship conflicts, is called the "Psychology of the Aware Ego", and the process is know as "The Aware Ego Process" or "Voice Dialogue". Voice Dialogue introduces you to parts of your psyche which are called Inner Selves. Inner Selves are composed of Primary Selves and Disowned Selves. Primary Selves are a selection of those inner selves with which we are most identified, as when we make the statement, "this is who I am." The Primary Selves make up our conscious personality and initially are mostly determined by our familial and social conditioning. In fact, so much of what runs our Primary Selves Systems are ethical stances or codes that are reinforced and embedded in our culture.

Disowned Selves are the inner selves that we learned to repress and deny early in our childhood as a result of familial and social conditioning. Although they are disowned, they still operate below the level of our conscious intention. Although disowned, they are as much a part of us as our primary selves. We perceive them positively or negatively in others through a process called "projection." We also experience the disowned parts as characters in our dreams and fantasies, and will even sense them as physical sensations or manifestations. The more fixed or rigid are our primary selves, the more extreme are our projections and somaticized experiences.

Developed by Drs. Hal and Sidra Stone in the early 1970's, The Psychology of the Aware Ego is a theoretical way of looking at the process of developing awareness of the multiplicity of selves. The theory presents a view of the human psyche consisting of three dimensions of consciousness: a witness or state of awareness, the ego, and the many sub-personalities (or 'inner selves") from which a personal identity is constructed.

As a rule, a person develops his/her character or ego from a subset of an array of possible parts or sub-personalities. Generally, a person will identify with one quality to the exclusion of its opposite. For example, although it is possible to be a responsible, dependable person, it's also possible to be a playful, spirited being. Although we can present as a person who feels most secure when there are structures and rules, it's also possible to be an individual who loves novelty and adventure. A person may be identified with a particular style of being within his or her family, the very opposite with peers, and even different with colleagues.

We are born vulnerable and totally dependent, with basic physiological and psycho-social needs, desires, even spiritual values that must be fulfilled. Certain basic needs must be met in order to be and feel safe, to feel that we belong, to have personal integrity, to experience a sense of purpose. If our needs are successfully met, these vulnerable selves feel contentment and satisfaction; unmet needs create pain and suffering to the inner selves. Although born vulnerable, our native intelligence and instinctual drives provide potential for meeting our needs. Emotionally, intellectually and sensually, we learn ways of being to induce our caregivers to support our life. As we integrate what we learn from our caregivers, these learnings add to one's growing power to protect and fulfill our own needs.

Power based selves as opposed to the vulnerable ones are one's response to life's conditions and are shaped by beliefs we form from our perception and experience, learned patterns of holding or expressing our physical and emotional energies, and on our instinctual drives for survival. These inner selves are manifested in our habits, ideas, body language and bodily experience. The purpose of our primary selves is to act in a way that will fulfill our survival and hopefully our eventual potential to reach deep joy and fulfillment. Again, directly related to each of these inner selves are vulnerable selves who feel the status of our needs.

From childhood, one's personality or ego-self is developed in such a way that it generally becomes identified with meeting certain needs and values over others. A child may find that by aligning himself with those values and behaviors, he is rewarded with praise and acceptance. He learns first to not act on his needs and then to not even feel these needs. Those aligned sub-personalities become his primary selves, his primary ego identifications. Alternately, that very same child, in the same context could look at those same prevailing values and energetically assess the level of contentment or suffering the family (including himself) is experiencing. Our primary selves are our psychic solution for surviving and existing in the world into which we were born. If there is more suffering than contentment, this same child could abandon the prevailing familial values in favor of those the family disowns. This child may become identified with the polar opposite of the family values, even choosing to take a divergent path in life.

Finally we ask, "whatever happened to all the potential selves- and needs - that we have disowned?" They can be judgmentally projected out onto others and either positively or negatively expressed. They can also be displaced into neurotic behavior or transformed into bodily phenomena. Frustrated needs can easily be recognized in headaches, intestinal distress, addictions and even accident proneness, etc. These disowned inner selves often appear in our dreams and fantasies and are often expressed under the influence of drugs, alcohol and severe stress.

It is normal for individuals to reach adulthood with an array of primary and disowned selves. Our primary selves were our psychic solution for surviving and existing in the world into which we were born. As we grow and move beyond our family of origin, we eventually are confronted with the need to redefine and stretch ourselves. We may discover that while expressing a particular style is admired -and even required - in our family of origin, it is dysfunctional in the business world. In other words, those disowned selves, judged and extinguished within childhood, become necessary for continued survival and, even for more than survival in the adult world.

In Conclusion

We have been describing a normal developmental process in which our Ego is identified with a certain selection of inner selves, to the exclusion of others, resulting from social and familial conditioning. The Voice Dialogue Work provides a process which gradually brings to our awareness, the reality that we have been identified with one self , having had limited or no access to it's opposite. An individual gradually comes to realize that s/he is missing half of her human capacity or potential. Once we have the awareness that "It's not that "I am" for instance, reliable and dependable, but rather, "I have" a dependable and reliable part of myself which both supports me and yet limits me," we experience an "Aware Ego Process." It is in that moment that we consciously recognize and honor a self without identifying with it as "who and what I fundamentally am." That self is a possible way of being, no longer the only one.

By learning how to enter into an Aware Ego state, these parts of us can be perceived with the neutrality of the Awareness or Witness State. Temporarily, then, one has access to an Awareness State which perceives with neutrality, that is without judgment. In this state the Aware Ego, the executive function of the psyche, can exercise true free will.

The Psychology of the Aware Ego and The Voice Dialogue Process, is a journey in consciousness, enhancing one's capacity to stand between their opposites, thus allowing one to experience a true sense of choice. It is a journey in consciousness which brings to one's personal and professional life a greater capacity for true balance, inner harmony and transformation.

Please visit our website for more information regarding the Aware Ego/Voice Dialogue process.Drs. Janis and David McCanninfo@relationship-coaches.comhttp://www.relationship-coaches.com

Drs. Janis and David Mccann 805/646-4455info@relationship-coaches.com ; http://www.relationship-coaches.com323 E. Matilija Street Ojai, CA 93023
Workshops, Seminars, and Individual Retreats for Couples are offered in Ojai, Santa Barbara, Northern California, San Diego and San Luis Obispo, California as well as Sedona, Arizona, Santa Fe, New Mexico, and Cancun, Mexico. Telephone coaching and Teleconferencing are available.

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